


The Big Fight

by silverpen693



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/M, Gen, Resolved Argument Prompt Exchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 22:52:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3306371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverpen693/pseuds/silverpen693
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alyssa has been taking unnecessary risks, while on missions in the Exalted Graves.  As a result, she is gravely wounded, and she and her companions, have to rest for some time among the  Dalish for her to heal and then return to Skyhold, when the worst is past.  There has been little communication and Cullen has been beside himself with worry.  The party limps home ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Big Fight

It was late afternoon when the horn from the gates sounded. Cullen was training with some of the more advanced recruits in the yard, throwing himself into physical activity to try to push aside the fears that had haunted his nights since the raven arrived.   
"Herald gravely wounded. Seeking refuge with Dalish. Pray for her. Will contact when more news".   
The blood had sunk from every vein into his feet as he read it and all he could hear was his heart thumping. Fear had swept through him so completely, that he had collapsed onto his chair, which normally served as a convenient place to stack more books rather than a seat. Leliana had brought the message from the raven directly to him, rather than summoning the council. Almost immediately he pushed the fear to one side, his mind now racing with plans on how they could get to her, make sure she was safe, make sure she was alive.. There was no way that they were leaving him behind this time - hang them all if they thought, they could. What if, Maker forbid, she died and he .. Panic almost overwhelmed him.  
"Breathe, Cullen", Leliana had said softly, her customary harshness let slip as she had pushed him down, taking the wooden cup from his shaking hands. "This won't help. We have to carry on as if there is no reason to worry. No one can know - it would be devastating for morale. I know it is difficult, but Cassandra made the right choice taking her to the Dalish. Few rumours will escape from there into our enemy's hands. And they have healers the like you have never seen." Her voice had softened as she held his shaking hands. "I know that you want to leave right now, right this instant, but it would be a mistake."  
Cullen had moved to snatch his hands from hers, anger rising quickly. "How can you ASK me to do NOTHING..." he snarled, standing quickly and pushing away from her.  
Leliana placed her body between him and the door. Her voice hardened. " I am not asking you to do NOTHING, Commander." she said. "I am asking you to do your job. There is NOTHING that you can achieve by travelling there. By the time you get there it will either be too late or she will be mending. In the meantime your reaction will give the people she is risking herself daily to fight, the kind of information they need to take advantage of this situation. Do not think they do not have spies here, watching our every moves. You know better than that. You are not so foolish."  
He glared at her, hating her in that moment more than he had hated anyone in the world, wanting to just push past her and forget this damned Inquisition, this damned job, this whole damned world, and just get to Alyssa, and hold her and make sure that every single thing that could be done to help her was being done.   
"I know what you are thinking, Cullen. You are not the only one who cares for her. We ALL want to somehow magic her here to us, to safety. But we can't. All we can do is stop everything she has been working for, from collapsing underneath the chaos this news would bring if it were to become public. I will NOT let that happen. We have all - ESPECIALLY her - worked far too hard for that."

He felt the anger slip, just a little only to be replaced by a rising tide of fear that threatened to overwhelm him.   
"I love her Leli", he admitted softly, for the first time to anyone else. "I couldn't bear to lose her now.." His eyes were vulnerable and Leliana sighed. "I know, my friend. Come, I have to work out how to get in touch with an old aquaintance of yours. I have heard of no finer healer, and Varric insists that he owes him a few favours we can call in. This is what we can do for her. This and hold her Inquisition together until the Maker brings her home to us."  
*********  
That had been four long weeks ago. Weeks full of restless, sleepless nights. Of anxious, fear-filled days. He had had to work hard not to let his exhaustion, his worries spill over into how he dealt with the men at his command. But it had been so hard..  
News had been so slow in coming and the only people who knew fully the situation were himself, Leliana, Josephine and Varric. Though he suspected that Cole knew. He had felt the worries lifting from him when Cole was around and knew that the spirit-boy felt their thoughts and was working hard in his own way to try to help.  
Varric had indeed worked with Leliana to send Anders to Alyssa at the little Dalish encampment. That in itself had been a source of contention, as if there was any mage in the whole of Thedas that Cullen still distrusted and would happily see dead, it was that THING. But, working with the Elven healers, he had managed to pull Alyssa back from the brink. Word had been sent that she was returning to Skyhold.   
The whole keep thrummed happily at the news she was coming home as it always did. But they did not know exactly when she would arrive. And while it appeared the immediate danger had passed, Cullen had not been able to rest, needing to see for himself that she was safe.  
Then two days before, Cassandra had returned early, riding ahead. As she arrived in the keep, Cullen and Leliana raced to meet her. She was heading grimly towards the main hold and Cullen grabbed at her arm. "How is sh.."  
"Not here" Cassandra had hissed. "We need to talk. NOW."  
The other two followed in her wake, casting uneasy glances at each other. Few people noticed her tension - Cassandra was nothing if not INTENSE - not to mention downright surly on occasions. But to them, it was obvious that something was very wrong.  
Cullen steeled himself, his heart turning to stone inside his chest. Suddenly, he was overwhelmingly certain that she was dead. That he had lost her, failed her. His legs felt heavy and his face made of stone as he moved towards the war room. Even Leliana seemed to hesitate before donning her usual mask, as they walked swiftly but not hurriedly, towards their seat of operations.  
As they passed through her study, Josephine started, surprised.   
"Cassandra, you're..." her voice cut off as she read their faces and immediately rose and moved gracefully towards the heavy wooden door of the war room along with them.

Inside, Cullen dragged air into his lungs and waited while the little dwarven server settled a flagon of fresh wine and goblets on the table and gathered up Cassandra's discarded cloak and gloves. As he left the room, Cassandra took a deep draught of wine, sighed heavily and bent tiredly over the war table, her eyes taking in at a glance the changes in the tides of their fortune displayed in small wooden figures over the large cloth map of Thedas.  
Cullen wanted to ask, to demand information, but didn't want to know the answer. His whole life he had tried, Maker help him, to face His demands head on. But this, this was too much.  
Leliana moved to speak but Cassandra cut her off with a gesture that was harsh even for her.   
"She is alive and healing well." She said in her heavily accented voice. But she did not sound pleased. "But it is yet another miracle that it is so. The giant sliced her from shoulder to hip and only narrowly missed separating her head from her shoulders. Thankfully Solas was able to keep her steady until we got to the elven encampment..."  
"GIANT?" Cullen bellowed. "What in the maker's name have you all been doing?" Anger rose in him in an uncontrollable tide. "You were supposed to be going there to follow up on this Fairbanks not fighting giants, for fuck's sake!"  
"Then perhaps you can try to get the Herald to focus on that." she retorted.   
"Helping her out there is supposed to be your job, while I get left behind here to waste my skills as a warrior, writing supply commissions, training new recruits and a million other pointless tasks." he hissed.  
"I do my job, Commander and I do it well. If it were not for me she would be dead and not the giant" her voice was ice cold but still did nothing to cool his rage.  
"But I cannot do it properly while she insists on taking foolish risks. There was no need to engage that giant. It could easily have been avoided until another time - it had not seen us. But she ran in, headlong, without even telling us what she planned. Straight into melee range. She left us scrambling in her wake. And it has not been the first time, this time. She has been reckless." she let out a harsh breath and drank swiftly from the cup, slamming it forcefully back onto the table.  
"Too often she ran headlong, headless into battle. Not just against the freemen groups we encountered, nor the red templars.."  
"Red templars!" gasped Josephine. "We had not expected to find.."  
"That is not even the worst of it" Cassandra ground out. "The rifts there.." her voice faltered and when she looked up her eyes betrayed her fear. "It is not just the minor demons and terrors that erupt from them. There were Pride demons - in groups, with fire demons and others. And she, was so, so reckless, so foolish. Running in alone, taking on bigger and bigger groups, without even attempting to dispel the fade as she usually does. It is not a wonder that the giant nearly killed her. It is a wonder that something else hadn't already did it. "  
She took a deep breath and looked at them all slowly and seriously. "I can't understand what is happening. I don't know what has changed. She is not the same woman. It's as if she wants to die. The risks she takes no sane person would. And there is no need.." her voice trailed off.  
Cullen stood silent, his mind a jumble of emotions, unable to sort out in his mind what he thought, what he felt. He was for a moment drained and numb. He looked around at the others, and meeting their eyes saw their sombre expressions.   
Cassandra, sighed heavily. "Someone needs to talk to her. I am... too prickly. I tried and failed while we were out there. Even Bull tried and Dorian.. She is listening to no one. And I am afraid. Afraid that if we cannot reach her that we will lose her, and I am so afraid of what means." In another time and another place, Cassandra admitting fear might have been a relief. Her overwhelming confidence never seemed to falter and she never admitted to any doubts to even those closest to her here at the war table. Instead, the expression in her dark eyes, struck deeply at Cullen's core.  
Leliana had stood listening, seemingly lost in thought. "Has no one any idea what could be behind this? Has she said anything to anyone that could explain this?"   
As Cullen dragged his thoughts into some kind of order he realised that they were all looking at him expectantly. Or was he mistaken? He reached for a drink from the goblet trying to think of something - anything - productive to say while his mind raced over all the million reasons, fears he had over her actions. As he did so Josephine reached over and placed a delicate hand on his arm.  
"You realise that, although to me she chats of alliances, and clothes and the best way to reach out to this person or that group, she does not share her innermost thoughts with me. She respects Leliana and would do anything to help her", she smiled troubledly at the Orlesian bard "but she is not close to her in the same way that she is to you."  
"We must find out what is behind this." Cassandra said, her eyes serious as she gazed at all of them. "If we cannot solve this, then everything we have done may well be in vain. Everything we have lost may be in vain."  
Cullen ran a weary hand through his hair, trying so hard to reconcile Cassandra's report with Alyssa's mood as she had left Skyhold. She had seemed quieter than normal that was true. But Cullen had hoped that perhaps that was a sign that she was going to miss him as much as he was going to miss her. Had he really been so arrogant?  
"I don't understand any more than you. But I will try" he said wearily.   
"Do not try, Commander" Cassandra urged. "You must succeed".  
The past two days had been unsettling. Cullen's mood had been irascible at best. Suddenly he was questioning everything he had thought was real, was happening between them. He didn't recognise Cassandra's description of the woman he had come to care so deeply for. He had thought she trusted him enough to talk to him, let him help her. He had thought she cared enough to take care, to come back for - to - him. Anger flared as he thought about it again and the recruit he was sparring with fell back under the onslaught of blows, falling at his feet.  
"Get up, man!" he barked impatiently. "Unless you want to give your opponent an advantage that will most certainly leave you dead!"  
It was at just that point that the horn announced the arrival of the Inquisitor. As always, people poured out from all areas of the keep, keen to welcome Alyssa home.   
As the heavy gate swung slowly open, Cullen gave his second his training blade, grabbed up his cloak and stalked towards where Varric was standing with Blackmore. Horses clattered into the yard and his eyes hungrily sought out her face, as they always did.  
Maker, she was pale. Her skin, normally tanned from the amount of time she spent outdoors was grey and she was thin - so thin. She smiled as she acknowledged the greetings from those around her, but the smile did not reach her eyes. As she swung down from her saddle, he could see the pain in every movement, in the light sheen of sweat that touched just the edges of her face and in the tension of her frame as she turned.   
Their eyes caught and for one sweet second, all the fears and agonies of the last month fell away and all he could do was thank the Maker that she was here, that she was alive. He hungrily eyed every motion as she walked slowly through the crowd, asking after their progress as she went and generously handing out praise where it was deserved. Leliana caught his eye, nodded and slipped silently away heading back up to her lair, no doubt. Cassandra was stood at the side, arms folded, expression still angry. As he watched, Cullen saw their glances met and Cassandra scowled and moved to help Bull herd the horses towards the stables. Josephine grasped Alyssa by the forearms, smiling and gave her a quick hug. As he moved towards them, he could hear Josephine prattling about some nonsense or other, then excuse herself saying that she had to make arrangements for a welcome home party - the Duke of somewhere or other had arrived and was simply dying to meet her.. Down to him, it was then.  
By habit, Alyssa steered herself through the courtyard, up the steps and into Skyhold. Cullen watched as her eyes swept the room, taking in the details of how it had changed while it was gone. More people flooded towards her and she greeted them warmly but Cullen could see the tiredness - no, exhaustion - in every step, in the tremble of her fingers as she brushed back that tendril of hair that always escaped no matter what she did, in the droop of her posture, as she gently herded them towards the passageway into the war room, the customary first stop on arrival home.  
As he moved to join her, Bull ran up behind him and put one large, heavy hand on his shoulder. Big, serious eyes caught Cullen's as he jerked his head towards the slender, disappearing figure of the Inquisitor. "You've got your work cut out this time, boss!" he said and then throwing one arm around Sera and the other around Dorian, bellowed out a need for some serious drinking now he was home.  
Cullen took a deep breath as he followed Alyssa into the war room. As the door closed behind him, his need to hold her took over and he pulled her close into him. He drank in the travel-weary scent of her, allowing the relief he felt at seeing her alive to flood him.   
Maker, it felt good to have her in his arms. She tilted her face, and he bent to kiss her, softly, his eyes searching hers, his thumb caressing her cheek. Her hands gripped and twisted in his cloak and she leaned in, resting against him. Her drank in the smell of her: familiar and sweet - the musty leather, drying sweat and underneath her usual faintly floral scent, the sharp tang of healing poultices.   
"You would think that we would have gotten around to putting chairs in here by now..." she said tiredly. Cullen could feel the trembling in her body and fear struck him anew.  
Gently he lifted her onto the table and bent to look into her eyes.   
"Are you... okay?" he questioned softly.   
"Nothing that a few weeks rest wouldn't cure, but there's nothing unusual in that." Her voice was so very tired. "Where is everyone else?"   
"I think they know how badly I need to see you alone" he said. "No doubt they will be along shortly." He forced her to look up at him.  
"I was so afraid" he admitted. "They told us to pray for you..." The fears that had haunted him began to rise up and he was overwhelmed by his need to hold her. He kissed her again, her lips parting sweetly under his. "What happened out there?"  
"What always happens out there" she said bitterly. "There's always something else to fight isn't there?" Anger flashed in her eyes, then she grimaced and said "Just another day in the life of the precious Herald of Andraste".  
Cullen stopped peppering kisses down her neck. "You're home now", he prevaricated. He knew he was supposed to say something but, honestly, what was he supposed to say? He was no diplomat and in this moment, the woman he loved, that he had feared night and day was dying, was right here in his arms and all he wanted to do was somehow convey how grateful he was for that with every fibre of his being.  
"Can you help me out of this?" she grimaced gesturing to the thick leather armour covering her chest. "I feel like I've been wearing it for decades."  
Cullen swiftly moved to dispose of straps and buckles. He smiled as he remembered how this particular expertise of his had been gained. As the last strap fell, he eased it off her shoulders. Alyssa gave a sharp grunt of pain.   
As Cullen moved to dump the offending jerkin, he felt the tingle of magic as she tried to soothe away some of her aches. Sensitive to everything about her now, he felt the falter in the magic, and felt it fall away.   
"Ugh, too tired." she complained. "If we aren't meeting I should just go up to my room and..." she stopped as she caught his expression.   
Cullen felt a wave of sickness rise inside him as he caught his first sight of the wound that had laid her close to death's door. A violent, red scar rose from the top of her padding and snaked its way up her shoulder resting close to her neck.   
"Apparently, that particular giant had found a knife.." she grimaced, edging forward off the table.  
Cullen stopped her. His expression was grim as he forced her to stay still. "Let me see." his husky voice was flat and his eyes betrayed nothing of the fear that gripped him, looking at that scar.  
"Why? It's not like you haven't seen a scar before..." she grumbled.  
"Let me see!" he insisted, turning her brusquely towards him. She let out a little grunt of pain and looked at him defiantly.   
"Honestly, I don't know why you are all so determined to baby me..." she began.  
Cullen looked at her, his eyes hard, anger rising inside him. "Let me see." he ground out.  
Alyssa reluctantly drew the padding over her head, hissing as the pain burned down her body.  
Cullen's breath stopped. An ugly welt ran from neck to her breast band in a twisting motion appearing again underneath and snaking to her side. Now, he could see for himself how close she had come to death. Anger rose inside him, fuelled by his fear.  
"Would you care to explain to me why you felt it necessary to engage in combat in close quarters with the only giant in Thedas who has the wits to hold a knife? Especially when you are a mage".  
Alyssa bristled at his tone. She was so tired, physically, mentally. All she wanted was to sleep, preferably curled up in his arms. You would think he would be pleased to see her not nagging her about how she had come about a wound. What did he expect? It's not as if she was going around Thedas attending tea parties.  
"I am a knight-enchanter - and, in case you have forgotten that necessitates being in somewhat close quarters." she said shortly.  
"You have been a knight-enchanter, Alyssa, for about 2 months. And I told you how I felt about you trying to use that infernal ability when you have had no training in how to use swords. Your entire life has been about fighting from a distance and you expect to be able to rush in and melee in the same way..."  
"It isn't a real sword, Cullen. It's a spectral one."  
"The techniques involved - the risks involved - are the same as real one."  
Their voices were rising and they glared at each other. Alyssa pushed her way out of the circle of his arms and went to the other side of the table.  
"I don't have the time to stay around Skyhold and learn to fight with a sword, the way you seem to expect of me. Have you forgotten I have a whole fucking world to save?" she bit out.  
"Is that the reason why you also don't have the time to make sure your team. your friends, know what you are going to do before you rush headlong into fighting something that is 3 times your size and 4 times your bodyweight and doesn't have enough sense to feel pain until it's almost dead?" Cullen was trying to keep his voice low, but his anger was rising fast.   
"I see Cassandra has come running telling tales." she mocked. " Naughty Herald started a fight. Naughty inquisitor didn't listen to all-knowing Lady Seeker. Can't she mind her own business?" Somewhere inside Alyssa heard a tiny voice that said she was being unfair but she didn't care and squashed it ruthlessly.  
A small, dwarven head appeared around the door..  
"Excuse me..." Dagna said.  
"Not now!" Cullen snapped. Dagna started at the harshness in the tone of the Commander who was invariably gracious towards her.  
"Don't talk to Dagna like that" Alyssa yelled as the dwarf escaped the battle.  
"Oh shut up!" Cullen had had enough. For 4 weeks he had lain awake, terrified and helpless, worrying, unable to stop thinking that she might die. His anger, like most of his emotions, so carefully controlled, broke loose.  
"What are you trying to achieve, Alyssa? I know about the attempts to single-handedly kill packs of demons, the risks you have been taken, how reckless you are being. " His eyes flashed fire and he herded her up against the door, placing one hand on either side of her head, pinning her in place. "You may not be willing to listen to Cassandra and you may not want to listen to me but by the Maker you will."  
He took a deep breath, trying and failing to get a hold on his anger. She tried to twist aside but he held her in place, his eyes boring into hers.  
"Do you know how reckless, how stupid you are being? Have you any idea how much we all rely on you, how much we need you? Not just me, if you care at all for my feelings , but the whole of damned Thedas? You are..."  
Alyssa gathered her strength and pushed past him.   
"Oh, I know what I am." she laughed bitterly. "How could I not. Eyes following me everywhere, demand after demand until I can feel myself sinking under them, drowning under them. I'm the fucking Herald, the Inquisitor. Do you think I ever asked for this? Have any single one of you ever stopped to think about what you are asking me?"  
Cullen opened his mouth to argue back, but Alyssa gave him no opportunity. She pushed against him using a small puff of magic to strengthen.  
"Until this happened, my life was .. was nothing! My life was spent under lock and key. I barely remembered what life was like outside the circle, what it was to make even the simplest of choices for myself. Because I wasn't to be trusted with that. Oh no. " her laugh was angry, twisted. Her eyes flashed fire. "Because I was a mage. One step from abomination. I would maybe have never left the circle my whole life if I wasn't a Trevelyan. Another thing I had no choice in. I don't even remember what happened, for fuck's sake!"  
She was pacing now, little tendrils of magic escaping her in her ire. Cullen, still furious, grabbed her arm and swung her towards him, forcing her to face him.  
"Not many people have the luxury of choice.." he began heatedly only to be cut off by the sharp gesture of dismissal she gave his words.  
"I came out of that explosion and I went from being someone people looked at with fear, disdain - yes, even disgust - yes disgust - everyone is all too well aware of your feelings about mages at the time - to being someone that people looked at with awe, as if I was Andraste herself. You all turned to me and asked me to make decisions that would shape the entire world when I hadn't been trusted to sleep safely in my bed at night without becoming abomination. To fight against other people, other humans, to take their lives, when all my life, I had been taught that to even raise the slightest spell against another non-mage would mean death. To learn to fight, to battle, when I knew nothing of it at all. And all the time, the more I succeeded, the more people come here, the more demands they have of me, the more people drown me under expectations I cannot hope to meet. How can I save the entire world? I am one person. I am not the Maker, I am not Andraste. I'm just ME."

Cullen froze in shock, the heat of his anger fading. She was right. She had started from the most protected, the most guarded of lives. The most distrusted of lives. And now she carried the weight of the entire world literally on her small shoulders. He moved towards her, but she paced away, her anger beginning to give way to tears.  
"And every decision I make, every single decision, means someone loses their lives, Bad people sometimes maybe, good people.." her voice cracked. "Bull's people. And still, there it is looming over me. Corypheus. And what if I fail? I'm only one person, what if I fail?"  
She was sobbing now, her entire frame shaking, her face streaming with tears, and yet she stood staring at him defiantly.   
"I am so afraid, every single day. If I fail, everyone will die. Everyone. Every person who looks at me like I am Andraste herself. I am so afraid. And I am so very angry. I didn't ask for any of this. I don't know how to do this. Oh Maker, I'm going to fail."  
Cullen gathered her gently into his arms, cursing himself for not stopping to think. She was so capable, inspired so much trust so much love in everyone around her. Had anyone stopped to think at all about how this amazing, strong woman was being asked to do things that would crush others in the blink of an eye under the weight of that responsibility. Gently, he hushed her, holding her close as she let herself succumb to a frenzy of wild sobs, her whole body shaking with the violence of her emotions. For a second he thought she would push him away but then she looked at him and saw the gentle compassion that had replaced his anger and sank against him. He gathered her up easily in his arms, and pushed through the door into the adjoining rooms.   
Josephine scurried back, blushing guilitily as they emerged from the war room.  
"Josie, clear the main hall" Cullen ordered and she scampered to do as he asked. In the meantime, he pulled her down onto his lap and held her close as she sobbed, murmuring gently into her hair and stroking the small of her back. The door creaked open as Josephine popped her head around and nodded at Cullen seriously.   
Carefully he picked her back up and carried her through the unusually silent hall, pushing through the door leading into her quarters and back up into her room, all the while making gentle murmurs of support and Alyssa contined to wrack her frame with sobs.  
When they reached her room, he sat her gently on the bed, kneeling in front of her and holding her head against his heart until it's steady beat calmed her enough that she could speak.  
"I don't want anyone else to die like Krem because of my decisions. I don't want Cassie or Bull or Dorian or Sera ..." her tears rolled down her face and he wiped them away gently. As they began to calm, he lifted her beautiful face to meet his eyes. He needed her to know that he believed what he was about to say, with all his heart.  
"Alyssa" he began, his voice soft but husky with emotion." You are the face of the Inquisition and I don't think any of us stopped to think about how hard that would be for you. How much of a change we were making to your life because every single thing we have thrown at you, you have handled with such grace, with such strength that people forget, we forget, that you are not just a symbol.   
I know how hard you struggle to hide your fears, to put on that mask that Leliana has taught you so well. But you have no idea how well you do it. Few people can see behind it. For the longest time even I didn't and you have no idea how much I watched you. " He smiled wryly and was rewarded by the slightest of smiles behind her tears.   
"But those of us closest to you, those you trust.. I. I see the drain it has on you in your body every day, in the way you sleep, the dreams that torture you. And I know how alone you must sometimes feel."  
The tears were slowing now as his soft, hypnotic voice soothed her and he gently wiped them from her eyes.  
"But I want you to know that you are not alone - you will never be alone. There is not one person in this keep who does not want to keep you safe, who would not risk all they have for you. I know that is a burden, a responsibility. But it is also the most amazing gift. You inspire them and for that they give you their love and their loyalty and, yes their trust. You, my darling, my heart, don't just bear the burdens and responsibilities but also the love and support of all of Thedas. We will be there, holding you up when you feel you will fall, lending you our strength when you feel too weak to achieve the impossible. They love you. I love you."  
Alyssa hiccoughed a small smile and pulled him close, kissing him so very sweetly. Grunting, Cullen got up and sat beside her, pulling her down to lie against his chest, entwining their fingers and exchanging small kisses.   
Gradually, drained of the violence of her emotions, Alyssa's breath began to slow as she began to sink towards sleep. For a moment Cullen smiled, overwhelmed with how much love he felt for the woman in his arms. Then he caught sight again of the livid scar that would now permanently grace her skin and fear rippled inside him at how close he came to losing her again.  
He pushed his way up onto his elbow and she gave a half-hearted sleepy complaint, Gently, he forced her to look at him, his eyes serious as they gazed down at her.   
"I love you, Alyssa."  
She smiled. "I love you too and I am so so very glad to be home."  
His breath caught and for just a second he let her see how afraid he had been. "Promise me." he said quietly. "Promise me that you will be careful. That you will let the others protect you for me. I would give everything I had to be there at your side making sure nothing could hurt you. But, apparently, I cannot be spared for that." He scowled. "I know you can't promise me nothing will happen to you but I need to know that you won't take risks like that again."  
"Cullen, " she began to half-heartedly protest.  
"Please." he repeated. He turned her head, making her look at him and see for herself how afraid, how vulnerable he felt. "Please." His voice was soft, but in his eyes the pain of the last few weeks burned clearly for her to see and she nodded her agreement, reluctantly.  
"And as soon as you have rested, you being training - with me - so that if you insist on following the knight-enchanter route you are better prepared for that style of combat." His voice was steel, unrelenting.  
For a moment she thought about protesting. Knight-enchanter Helaine already had a full programme of training set up, should she ever be around Skyhold long enough to benefit from it. Still, it would be an excuse to spend more time with him and she so wanted that, needed that.  
"Oh well. I guess I can do that. Just for you. But only because you begged" she sighed and sank her nose back into his chest.   
He gathered her close to him, thanking the Maker that He had spared her, returned her to him.  
"I missed your smell" she murmured and he smiled softly, his warm amber eyes full of love.


End file.
